New Words for the Week:

1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,  unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near  future.

4) Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders  the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5) Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

6) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

7) Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.

8) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.

9) Foreploy (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.

10) Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.

11) Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.

12) Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

13) Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.

14) Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.

Understanding Your Paycheck

Gross pay: $1222.02

     Income Tax      Outgo Tax      State Tax       Interstate Tax
     244.40          45.21          61.10            5.89

     County Tax      City Tax       Rural Tax       Back Tax
     6.11            12.22             4.44          1.11

     Front Tax       Side Tax       Up Tax          Down Tax
     1.16             1.61             2.22          1.11

     Tic-Tacs        Thumbtacks     Carpet Tacks    Stadium Tax
     1.98             3.93             0.98          0.69

     Flat Tax        Surtax         Ma'am Tax       Parking Fee
     8.32              3.46            2.60          5.00

     No Parking Fee  F.i.c.a.       T.g.i.f.        Life Ins.
     10.00            81.88          9.95            5.85

     Health Ins.     Disability     Ability         Liability Ins.
     6.23              2.50           0.25            3.41

     Dental Ins.     Mental Ins.    Reassurance.    Coffee
     4.50             4.33            0.11            6.85

     Coffee Cups     Calendar       Floor Rental    Chair Rental
     66.51            3.06            16.85               4.32

     Desk Rental     Union Dues     Union Dont's    Cash Advances
     4.32             5.85             3.77           0.69

     Cash Retreats   Overtime       Undertime       Eastern Time
     121.35           1.26             54.83          9.00

     Central Time    Mountain Time  Pacific Time    GMT
     8.00             7.00          6.00            24.00

     Bathroom Time   Time Out       Oxygen          Water
     4.44             12.21         10.02            16.54

     Electricity     Heat           Air Conditioning   Misc
     38.23           51.42          46.83              144.38

Take Home Pay: $0000.02
This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from...)

Courtesy of Christopher Parris